The Second Most Beautiful Thing

13th October 2010 3:43 am

I am an engineering student. And too have got my problems. I remember one special night confronting God, that changed my life considerably. And here it is:

I was drunk, thrashed and loaded on my shoulders were things that weighed heavy. Dad’s Pride, Mom’s Love, My Love and My Insides. With a head full of these things, I lied down on a mattress besides which a wall stood tall. I couldn’t sleep.

“Do I deserve to live?” This  question had haunted me in every freaking dream and consciousness. I knew I was too drunk and dumber than any living person on earth, but these feelings were much more amplified and eating me now. I just wished I was strong enough to fight them. I was lying still on the mattress, warm tears rolling down the extremes of my eyes, through my whiskers onto my ears, eventually falling down on the mattress, soaking them in the warmth too. It somehow comforted me, at least something would know that, I too, cried.

I wiped my tears, staggering up through the wall, I tried to stand as tall as proud the wall did, trying to find someone to talk to. Supporting myself with my shivering arms, and a spinning head, the painting caught my eyes. It was a beautiful handicraft, the God’s eyes looked into you. I stared bluntly for a minute, then, I thought maybe He exists, maybe He would show me something I couldn’t see. So, I started talking to Him in my dumbest telepathic drunk channel, or whatever they call it.

"Hi God, I know you would be good. You never need the money or have to make someone happy, Do you? You would be freaking happy!”

I got nothing back, instead seeped a bonus couple more tears for the utter loneliness. Dogs outside barked and growled furiously, just to add to the mess. “Just tell me you are here and you’d take care of it all, that’s all I need to know. Would you do that for a lost kid……..?” trying hard to keep myself focused and still. Nothing. I was still staring hard at those shimmering eyes, trying to focus through the tears. I really couldn’t

“Just a little smile and I’ll know you were here somewhere, I know you are a busy guy!” I somehow managed to wipe that one tear.

I don’t know for how long I stood there begging, crying for just a touch of something, anything, a sign of some sort, all I listened to was my whispers and sniffs. And then I knew that even if I had killed myself that day, the wall, the painting would still stand as tall as they did then. I so much wished dad would be here, and hold me, tell me It was perfect, and nothing was wrong with me. But there lay the wishes. Dead. I collapsed on the floor, hugged myself up, somehow trying to fill up the spaces. I don’t remember how much more warmth I gave to the mattress, at least it deserved it.

My phone rang at 8:30 am, in the morning. I was my mom. “Hello, Mom?“, my voice all rabbled up. I have my college at 9:00 am.

” How many times should I tell you to put an alarm for 8:00 am?! You are still sleeping! Do you know what’s your attendance at the college?! Do you know how furious your dad would be?! Just run to the college now will you?!” she screamed on the phone.  My head ached so bad, I barely blurted “I’m up mom, I’m up…!”. “Well you are now! Just be there on time.” she said and disconnected the phone.

By then, I could have broken the painting, burnt it, and had thrown it into the garbage,  but I let it be there because at least for a moment, it was the second most beautiful thing in my life I ever spoke to.

About the change, you can figure it out, and for the curious audience, I didn’t go to college that day, not because I don’t respect my dad, not because I don’t love my mom, but because I still don’t see where I am going. It’s just you that you’ve always got, rest is mere theory. The sooner you realize, the better.

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If you liked this, You will also love: Can’t Love Again, Break Free, The Greenest Grass

    • Monica
    • October 16th, 2010

    good one….

    • Thank U! 😀

    • ghazal
    • October 19th, 2010

    beautifully written. shows the depth of a person and the turmoil a person goes thru. but always remember that life is a challenge and we have to face it with a smile. and always have faith in god coz he has given us birth and he will protect us. having faith in him is not verbatim, theoritical, but its giving all ur problems to him and stop worrying. a person who can smile even in his toughest times is the person who actually has faith in god. so, just keep smiling after every dusk there is a dawn………….

  1. Thank You!!

    • vipin goel
    • October 21st, 2010

    v well written…n xpressed:)

    • Thanks…:D

    • aakshi katyal
    • November 5th, 2010

    this was beautiful. no words to express how well written it is. dint know about this hidden talent. fabulous work. keep it up. 🙂

    • Thank you! 😀

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